The only two people I invited to my wedding did not come.
After the short wedding ceremony, my husband’s friends (three of them) asked where my friends were. I mumbled something about them having to work. And it was true. Kind of.
Mostly my friends didn’t come because they thought I was making a big mistake marrying so soon after college. They did manage a trip to visit a couple of months later, but truth be told, our relationship was never the same after that.
Why do I share this story? I share it because I want people to know I get how friends disappoint. I know how friends can wound, even with (sometimes especially with) their absence.
But I also know this: friends can make us better versions of ourselves. Friends can inspire us. Friends can multiply our joys and divide our sorrows.
If we have isolated ourselves into a so-called safe cocoon, our friends aren’t likely to find us. We try to fix ourselves, but God didn’t wire us that way. He wired us so we would need each other.
I think it was Mother Teresa who said two kinds of people come into our lives: those who are blessings and those who are lessons. And lessons can be so hard. We might not learn how to set boundaries in our lives without boundary-breaking, heart-wrenching persons who cross our paths. These type of people either break us or show us how strong we are. Likewise, our friends can inspire us to accomplish great things.
One of my friends who didn’t show up for my wedding also inspired me earlier in my life. She inspired me to earn three majors in four years from a state university and was so happy for me when I earned scholarships. She was my cheerleader during those busy college years. Even now in hindsight, I am glad she was my friend.
Occasionally I will meet someone who is crawling out of a hole. Perhaps the hole was caused by a sudden death, or a divorce or some other earth-shattering event. I hear their anger, sometimes I hear their bitterness that they are using as wallpaper over their fear and hurt. And I wonder if those people realize how much their anger and bitterness are blocking blessing.
Proverbs puts it this way:
A man who has friends must himself be friendly. (Proverbs 18:24)
Anger and bitterness repel people, so if we want friends to come into our lives, we’ve got to find a way of dealing with our garbage. A big key for me was turning to the Lord, the One who, according to Isaiah 53:4, borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. I gave Him my anger, my disappointments and my fears and in return He gave me peace and joy.
Do friends still disappoint me? Yes, and I’m sure I disappoint my friends sometimes too, but they also bring a richness to my life. I am blessed beyond measure with the thoughtful, kind people who surround me now. A lot of these people are in my life because I smiled at them and introduced myself. In other words, I acted friendly. It ain’t rocket science.
So please give people another chance. Decide to let go of all your garbage and put a smile on. You’ll be glad you did, my friend.
Leave a Reply